So, I actually planned on doing a post about some yummy coffee cake I made and I might still get to that but after seeing Breaking Dawn Monday with the Thompsons–I decided to take a break from my usual fare and share with you a bit of commentary. Why not, it’s a holiday week, eh?
{Warning… SPOILER ALERT. If you haven’t seen the movie yet and plan to, you don’t want to read this.}
I think I have cracked the code. After watching last night’s epic flick, I figured out why the story is so freaking popular and has swooned Twi-hards all across the world, myself included. These books, and subsequently the movies, have managed to appeal to the female psyche in a paramount way and while most girls won’t admit it, they too wish they could be the leading lady. Read on:
1. At its very core, the story is about two guys fighting over a girl. Um, hello. We’re just starting out and this is already a no-brainer.
2. The two guys fighting over her are totally opposite. This too appeals to females and their desire for drama. You guys always say us gals can never make up our mind….well, we can’t.
3. Not only are our leading guys total opposites but they’re opposites in the best way possible. It’s not like Bella has to choose between a crack addict and a wall street power player. One is a total metro–porcelain perfect skin that doesn’t age, messy “I didn’t try that hard to get this look but really it took me two hours” hair, impeccable dress, speaks every language in the book and fluently I might add, is loaded with cash and has killer wheels. Then there is bachelor number two–smoldering in an outdoorsy sort of way, down to earth, rugged, looks great without his shirt, likes motorcycles and loves dogs.
4. Two words. Engagement ring. Have you SEEN that rock?! Antique, giant, given to her in a field of flowers on a warm summer day. Need I say more?
{I will pause here a moment to say that the following points are about the first part of the final movie only but now that I have this whole thing figured out, I may just have to go back and watch the others again to find the hidden, Indiana Jones type clues.}
5. So not only do we get these amazing guys chasing our girl for the first two books/movies but you mean to tell me that when she finally picks one, this chick gets to bow completely out of her wedding and not have to plan a single detail? Oh and it’s not like Bella’s crazy aunt plans the whole thing and she winds up with balloon animals and a keg of Pabst. No, she gets a wedding that is every bit as picturesque and fairy(tale) like as her sister-in-law that plans it.
6. Speaking of in-laws…you show me a single girl who gets along with EVERY SINGLE one of her in-laws and so swimmingly that they go so far as to say they’d die for her. That’s right Miss “did you see this hideous sweater my husbands parents picked out for me? DO THEY KNOW ME AT ALL?!”
7. Fast forward to the honeymoon. Again, Bella doesn’t have to plan a single trip detail?? Or pack?? And it’s a total surprise? (By the way, props to you Mr. Pratt) And it’s on an island your new family owns? And after traveling hours on end to get there you look just as stunning as you did before the wedding started? And it comes with cleaners?
8. Bella wakes up on day two of said honeymoon to find her first night with her new hubs has resulted in a busted up headboard, exploded feather pillows and bruises. Now granted, a case could be made that this guy is one restraining order from being dubbed “the abusive husband” but I think we can all agree there is a fine line between passionate love and ravenous hate and after staring into Edwards eyes for three movies, we know it’s not the latter. Raise your hand if you’ve fantasized about a night so wild you wake up with a busted lamp or two. Uh huh, I thought so.
9. Ok, so now let’s talk about how our leading lady gets pregnant on her honeymoon. Ladies, don’t try to tell me some of you wouldn’t have LOVED that.
10. Now not only is B pregnant but gee, the pregnancy goes at lightening speed so the whole thing lasts about a month. Now granted she looks a little pekid but I’ll be damned if she’s not supermodel thin and we all haven’t dreamed about being skinny while we’re pregnant at some point or another. “Oh I hope I don’t look like a parade float when I get pregnant. You’ll tell me if I do right?? Promise! Maybe I’ll try Pilates…”
11. And imprinting. Ah imprinting. Where do I begin? Excuse me, Ryan Gosling, I’ve imprinted on you so we must be together. I’m sorry, there really is no choice in the matter. Now, where shall we go pick out china patterns?”
12. And as we zero in on the last scene of the movie, we are raptured by one last nugget…Miss B strikes again as after she has her bundle of joy, her sickly appearance transforms before our very eyes to glowing bronzed skin, rouged cheeks, pouty lips, voluminous eyelashes (are those extensions I see??), cascading and shimmering chestnut locks and a killer bod. You show me a new mommy who wouldn’t give her right arm (and maybe her left too) to not only be back to her old self but be a hotter version of herself. Sold.
Aaaaaaand scene. Until next time Twi-hards.
Now a few snapshots of that magical night…
